My husband has PTSD and 90% of the time is in a depression and/or angry. Some days much worse than others. I know there is also genetics involved. Not just what he went through in the military. I’ve been wanting to start my own Substack about my experiences with him but I don’t even know where to start.
This post hits hard. It's a raw, personal look at the invisible battles so many men face, especially in tough jobs like policing. The mix of nostalgia for simpler times—the blackbirds singing, the brotherhood of youth—and the tragic reality of loss is powerful. It’s a painful reminder how much silence and stigma around mental health can cost lives. The call to speak up, to break the silence, feels urgent and necessary. This isn’t just a story about one man, it’s about a whole generation struggling to find a new way to be strong without shutting down.
I think as we get older we all go through these times. It's not restricted to age. My son lost one of his best friends from school in a similar way when he was still in his twenties.
I remember as if it were yesterday seeing a friend's number on my phone and thinking "Good, I've been meaning to call A. and go down to South Australia and see him".
His response to "Hi How are you?" was that he had cancer and only weeks to live. I cursed all the times I meant to call or go see him and didn't.
There's nothing you can do. I always think of Warren Zevon's lines from "Accidentally Like a Martyr"
'The days slide by
Should have done, should have done, we all sigh
Never thought I'd ever be so lonely
After such a long, long time
Time out of mind'
Here's a more uplifting song that your description of blackbirds brought to mind:
Gee man, that's rough. Please accept my deepest condolences!
I guess this is one of the biggest lies of the current "enlightened" era: that men are now encouraged to show rather than swallow emotion like earlier is absolute🤬, alas. Don't know if that is remotely what happened to your late friend, but in my experience, if one is male and shows genuine emotion, one will be dismissed as a weakling even more brutally than before. But like I said, could be totally unrelated. Am somehow reminded of the self-exit of Aias the Greater...and just how Odysseus, upon glimpsing his shadow in Hades, gets what is quite recognizably an attack of PTSD, and then calms himself down by switching to mythological characters and their stories. And hey, if it could happen to Aias the Greater with his bearlike strength and shield of seven oxhides, means it can happen to literally anyone, no matter how strong. May your friend rest in peace.
Almost forgot - are the blackbirds (my favorite birds when I was a child) called "Kos" in Greek? If so, just to let you know that we use the exact same word...
Yeah, I feel it too. Thanks.
I got you man.
My husband has PTSD and 90% of the time is in a depression and/or angry. Some days much worse than others. I know there is also genetics involved. Not just what he went through in the military. I’ve been wanting to start my own Substack about my experiences with him but I don’t even know where to start.
They do suffer in silence often.
All I can say is thank you for putting up with him and that I believe writing about it will help. Well, it does for me at least.
I think it will help, too. Thank you for sharing your experience and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much.
This post hits hard. It's a raw, personal look at the invisible battles so many men face, especially in tough jobs like policing. The mix of nostalgia for simpler times—the blackbirds singing, the brotherhood of youth—and the tragic reality of loss is powerful. It’s a painful reminder how much silence and stigma around mental health can cost lives. The call to speak up, to break the silence, feels urgent and necessary. This isn’t just a story about one man, it’s about a whole generation struggling to find a new way to be strong without shutting down.
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your friend.
Thank you so much.
Beautifully written, thank you for this, truly. I need to reach out more to old friends, we always think we have all the time in the world.
Thank you, Bill. You should call them.
I think as we get older we all go through these times. It's not restricted to age. My son lost one of his best friends from school in a similar way when he was still in his twenties.
I remember as if it were yesterday seeing a friend's number on my phone and thinking "Good, I've been meaning to call A. and go down to South Australia and see him".
His response to "Hi How are you?" was that he had cancer and only weeks to live. I cursed all the times I meant to call or go see him and didn't.
There's nothing you can do. I always think of Warren Zevon's lines from "Accidentally Like a Martyr"
'The days slide by
Should have done, should have done, we all sigh
Never thought I'd ever be so lonely
After such a long, long time
Time out of mind'
Here's a more uplifting song that your description of blackbirds brought to mind:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Man4Xw8Xypo&ra=m
Thank you, Phillip. May we remember them with kindness.
Gee man, that's rough. Please accept my deepest condolences!
I guess this is one of the biggest lies of the current "enlightened" era: that men are now encouraged to show rather than swallow emotion like earlier is absolute🤬, alas. Don't know if that is remotely what happened to your late friend, but in my experience, if one is male and shows genuine emotion, one will be dismissed as a weakling even more brutally than before. But like I said, could be totally unrelated. Am somehow reminded of the self-exit of Aias the Greater...and just how Odysseus, upon glimpsing his shadow in Hades, gets what is quite recognizably an attack of PTSD, and then calms himself down by switching to mythological characters and their stories. And hey, if it could happen to Aias the Greater with his bearlike strength and shield of seven oxhides, means it can happen to literally anyone, no matter how strong. May your friend rest in peace.
Thank you, Ante. I appreciate the kind words. I often find refuge in the classics, revisiting some of my favorite parts.
Almost forgot - are the blackbirds (my favorite birds when I was a child) called "Kos" in Greek? If so, just to let you know that we use the exact same word...
Close: they're called Kotsyfi.
🙏🙏🙏
What a devastating loss... I'm so so sorry.
Sending love and compassion to you, A and his family.
Thank you, Eleni.
Moving post, SH. I too have an A and this hit very close to home - including the “what if.” Sending condolences and warmth your way.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
😢💔
😮💨💔